I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
