Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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