Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
