shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He passed out mid-signature
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
