Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
