someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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