dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
