margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
