Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
