oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
