i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
