I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
