Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
