I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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