Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
