hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just had sex bonerless
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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