Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
