Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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