After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
