when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
whose parrot is this?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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