New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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