just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's always time for handjobs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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