I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
