The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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