Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
