he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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