You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
