So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
