unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
