There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ladies don't puke and tell
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
