Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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