You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I AM VODKA MAN
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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