That's intense
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
