She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
