Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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