Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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