i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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