GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
