your parents love me but you hate me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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