What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
