Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
