ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
