Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found the puke drawer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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