i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
