he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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