Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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