Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
