Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
