Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
