There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
