two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
