Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
