I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You may now shotgun with the bride
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
