Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
