if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
