I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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