bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
