Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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