There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
