Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
