Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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