arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
