if only i could text you this smell
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
