I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
