It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
