he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
