In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
