question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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