i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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