I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
