Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
