Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
