I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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