My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
