Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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