So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
