I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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