I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
