just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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