So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
