dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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