He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
