he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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